Publicity

Marie Claire,  November 2008 “The Other Women"
- Zodwa Kumalo

This article is an edited version of "The other women" that appeared in the above publication.

Anyone doubting the extent of the burgeoning mistress-as-accessory trend should meet Cherie Green the Owner of About Lovers- a matchmaking service that caters for married people who want to have discreet affairs (they dos also cater for singles).

Sipping a skinny cappuccino her cellphone constantly buzzing, Cherie says she doesn't believe in monogamy. 'I think it's narcissistic for a woman to  imagine she owns a man and he should never look at or desire someone else,' says the divorced mother of two, who also has a Masters degree in psychology.

The idea for About Lovers came to her about 10 years ago. 'I was sitting on a bench in Central Park, New York, when I saw an ad in the paper about a dating service for married men. So I decided to start a similar one in South Africa

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The service currently boast over 600 members, ranging from CEOs, government delegates, estate agents and accountants to lawyers and doctors. All paid R2600 to join for six months. And in recent years, the number of professional black males and females has steadily increased. Cherie says she screens all prospective female members to make sure they aren't looking for long-term relationships and are 'damaged, depressed or bored housewives'. She claims 80 per cent of her male members are married, living with someone or engaged and 90 per cent of those who married say their relationships are happy.

 But isn't that contradictory to be happily married and having an affair? Not according to Cherie. 'You can't find all your hppiness in one person. It could just be that the husband or wife wants to feel desirable to someone else, or they might be going through a mid-life  crisis, or perhaps the couple just has different interests. That does not automatically spell the end of a marriage and it also doesn't make you unhappily married.'
 

More surprising, perhaps, is the fact that 30 per cent of members are married women or women in relationship aged between 25 and 45 (female membership has doubles in the past years). 'It's probably because women are becoming more engaged in the workplace and taking more risks. They aren't the stay-at-home wives and moms they used to be.'

She doesn't deny the material advantages of these arranged affairs. 'The women get expensive perfume, premium cosmetics and tickets to international destinations. One client told me that he found so much joy in giving his mistress gifts. He said he had bought his wife a BMW Z4 and had got more appreciative reaction from his mistress when he gave her flowers.'
The marketing and public relations manager of a Jo'burg-based jewellery brand says some men state outright that their purchases are destined for other women: 'They say, "This is not for my wife. She's spoiled enough; this is for someone else."'

Some gifts are more unusual. It appears that not only do men want independent, self-sufficient women, some want the ultimate sex toy too: Cherie knows of three mistresses whose lovers have paid for them to have breast augmentations. But women have different reasons for entering these material relationships. Some want an arrangement the can control. Some want to be spoiled. Others may be looking - consciously or subconsciously - for support and guidance as they try to get their own business going. What none of them can hope for is marriage.